Baby Rabies

I seriously think being pregnant is a contagious disease because it seems like everyone is having babies right now! Half the women I work with at my office and in the schools are pregnant or have just had a baby, and a good majority of my friends and acquaintances seem to be pregnant too.

Last weekend I went to a baby shower for my lovely friend Maggie. She is having twins here in the next couple of months and they are really excited about it, so it was fun to be able to celebrate that with her and some of our mutual friends.

The beautiful Maggie with the cloth books my mom made for her 🙂

Normally I hate typical shower games, but I was pleasantly surprised with how fun the activities were that Maggie’s good friend Emmy came up with. Here’s a little of taste of what there was to do…

My favorite, hands down, was the decorate your own onesies. They had bought a bunch of plain white onesies and fabric markers so you could decorate them as you wished. I am a complete nerd so this is what I came up with (with a little inspiration from the internet…)

This was my first one for the little boy. Maggie is having one of each…

Along the same vein, I made this one for the little girl. You’d never guess I was a Star Wars fan would you? 😀
Here are all the completed onesies made by us all… I did the three on the far left…

They also had a “Wish Tree” which I thought was a super cool idea. Basically what you did was they had tags with string and a blue and pink pen that you could write “wishes” for each baby on and then hang on the tree. Maggie and her husband are then going to read all the wishes to the babies once they are born… sort of as a blessing. I thought that was such a cool idea 🙂

The Wish Tree

There was lots of food and lots of laughter. My favorite moment was when it was suggested they should name the boy “Stormageddon, Dark Lord of All” and then we decided that being the “Dark Lord of All” was too much pressure to put on a baby and maybe we should just start with “Dark Lord of Columbus.” Haha, good times.

After the party, I started to feel sort of emotionally funny even though I had had a lot of fun. I seem to be at this weird point in my life where my hormones are like “BABIES!!! GIVE ME ALL THE BABIES!!!” but my rational brain is like “Yeahhhh…. that’s not such a good idea.” I am not in a place emotionally or financially where I should even THINK about trying to get pregnant right now, but the more I thought about it the more upset I got. My major freak out moment was when I thought, “Wow, do I even want kids at all?” 
This was a big deal because I had never really questioned whether I wanted children or not before. I had always just assumed that someday I would have one or two. Now that I am going in different, new directions with my life I just don’t know anymore. If I can make art work as a full time job, I am going to be working WAY more than I am at my regular 9-5 job. I am not deluded into thinking that running your own artsy business means you have a lot of free time to just relax and take care of yourself let alone take care of small children. And with that thought came the- “Well what if I decide I want a baby in a few years and then CAN’T?!” (Infertility runs in my family…)

When I was younger my plan had always been to wait until I was 27 or 28 and then start trying. Well guess what? I’m well into 26 and I am in no way shape or form ready to have a baby in the next year or so. So now my fear is if I wait until I’m 30 or older and then decide to have children I won’t be able to conceive. 

Compound all these fears with the fact that I am terrified of being a bad parent and there you have my full blown freak out. (I am pretty sure there were tears involved.)
I know a lot of what I worry about is irrational. I have plenty of time to make a decision. And even if I do decided I am ready someday and struggle to get pregnant, there are lots of fertility options available or I could look at adopting. 
I try not to stress about it, goodness knows I have enough other stuff on my plate. But it just goes back to my whole quarter-life crisis thing, and how the life I am living isn’t even close to where I thought I would be at this age. 
Not bad necessarily, just different. Guess I just need to change my expectations then.
P.S. Since we are talking about babies, I have to share the sweetest picture of my passed out fur children. I just love their fuzzy little faces! 🙂
It’s been so cool out the last few days they are absolutely loving the screened in porch!

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